


when I get to thinkin 'bout it (it just turns to drinkin 'bout it)

by smudgythoughts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Episode: s13e03 Patience, Hopeful Ending, M/M, Sam realizes Dean is in love with Cas, samjess and deancas parallels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 17:48:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12537684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smudgythoughts/pseuds/smudgythoughts
Summary: Jack hears Dean say"Cas", and all he feels is pain and anguish and longing.Or, a look at Dean mourning through others' eyes. Coda to 13x03.





	when I get to thinkin 'bout it (it just turns to drinkin 'bout it)

Paul is only a few pages into his magazine when the bell above front door lets out a clear _ding_ , announcing that someone has stepped into the Gas ‘N Sip. “Be with you in a sec’,” he calls out, before folding the corner of his page so he can get back to it later.

He’s surprised to look up and see the same guy from yesterday, with short sandy hair and a cross expression. The guy slams two six-packs onto the counter. Huh. Yesterday, when he grabbed a case with hardly a word in greeting, Paul thought he was getting over an ex or somethin’, but maybe it’s more than that.

“$15.38. Difficult divorce, huh?” Paul asks. “Maybe ya should slow down there, buddy.”

For a second the guy looks like someone has kicked his puppy, but then he slips back into casual indifference, grunting and slapping down a twenty before heading out the door. No, Paul muses as he flips back to his page, he looks more like he lost the love of his life.

 

Missouri smiles softly as Dean pulls up in the Impala. It’s been a long while since she’s seen the boy, and he seems to be doing better, especially with that John Winchester out of his life.

But as soon as he gets and slams the car door out she’s bombarded with flashes of images, none of them pleasant. A long stretch of wings burnt into the ground like ashes. Bruised knuckles. A white sheet. And finally a knife sinking into a chest, being played over and over again, as Dean screams a desperate “ _No!_ ”

“Oh honey,” she says, the only thing she _can_ say. “I’m sorry for your losses.”

His face crumbles.

She remembers the same look on a different boy years ago, one with shaggy hair and dimples and a blissful innocence of what awaited him.

Dean has lost his Jess.

 

Jody knows. She knows what it’s like to lose that one special person that keeps your world turning. That there’s always going to be that hole in your heart nothing can fill. Jody knows, and it hurts like hell that there’s nothing she can do for Dean.

 

Sam is more angry at Dean than he’s ever been.

He doesn’t understand why Dean is so angry at Jack, why he won’t even give the kid a chance like he did for Sam years ago. Jack deserves that much.

Sure, Dean’s allowed to mourn Mary and Cas and Crowley, but at some point he has to pull himself together and stop being so much of an asshole.

“And what about Cas?” Dean snarls.

So what? They lose people all the time. Cas is just another body on their teetering pile of people they’ve let down. “What about Cas?”

“He manipulated him. He made him promises. Said paradise on Earth and Cas bought it. And you know what that got him?”

Sam only stares, wondering how long Dean has held in this anger.

“It got him DEAD!”

That still doesn't explain–

“Now _you_ might be about to forget about that, BUT _I_ CAN’T!”

Sam can’t find the words to comfort Dean, so he doesn’t say anything at all. With an angry huff, his brother turns and stomps away. Sam is no longer angry, just confused. Sam is— _was_ —Cas’s friend too. He’s sad about Cas’s death too, and wishes that he could be there with them right now, but he’s not sad to the point that Dean is. So why–

Then it hits him.

_Oh._

Dean’s – he... _Oh._

No wonder he’s a broken shell of the man. His – his... Cas died a few weeks ago, and yet Sam’s asking Dean to help look after the son of the man who killed him.

Sam has been so caught up in his own thoughts—in training Jack so they can get Mary back, because he thought that if they brought back their mom, everything would be alright, and Dean would be alright—that he never even thought to consider the depths of Dean’s feelings for the angel.

Dean _loves_ Cas, in a way Sam never had time to experience with Jess.

 

Jack hears Dean say “ _Cas_ ”, and all he feels is pain and anguish and longing.

In a large expanse of nothingness, Castiel opens his eyes with a startled jolt. _Dean._


End file.
